If You Need Help

Before Anything Else

If someone monitors your phone, email, finances, or internet use, try to use a safer device if possible. Private browsing does not always fully protect your activity. Your local library may be the safest place to think through your next steps.

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You do not need to read this entire page today. 

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You do not need proof, a police report, packed bags, or a fully formed plan before asking for help.

You only need the next safe step.

“I don’t have access to money.”

Financial abuse is real. Many people stay because they do not have access to bank accounts, credit cards, transportation, or emergency savings.

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You do not need to solve your entire financial future before leaving. You need enough support to get to the next safe place.

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What can help:

• Domestic violence advocates can connect you to emergency funding, hotel stays, transportation help, food support, and local programs

• Local shelters often provide non-residential support, even if you do not stay there

• Some organizations offer direct financial assistance and financial rebuilding support

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Resources:

National Domestic Violence Hotline
Can connect you to local emergency resources and advocates

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FreeFrom
Financial support and long-term economic empowerment for survivors

The Allstate Foundation Purple Purse Program
Financial empowerment resources accessed through local programs

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If it is safe:

• Open a separate bank account at a different bank

• Screenshot or copy important documents

• Set aside small amounts of cash if possible

• Use a trusted mailing address

If doing any of this would increase danger, skip it and speak with an advocate first.

“I have children.”

Children are often part of why leaving feels impossible. Fear about custody, stability, finances, schooling, and emotional impact keeps many people trapped far longer than they intended.

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Your safety and stability matter to your children too.

You do not need to have every answer before asking for help.

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What can help:

• Domestic violence programs often provide shelter and support for parents and children together

• Many organizations offer court advocacy and help navigating custody concerns

• Advocates can help you think through safety planning before making major decisions

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Resources:

WomensLaw.org
State-by-state legal information about custody, protection orders, and safety planning

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National Domestic Violence Hotline Safety Planning

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A reminder:

Leaving without a perfect plan does not make you a bad parent.
Staying in danger does not make you a better one.

“I can’t leave my pets.”

This is a real and common barrier. Many survivors delay leaving because they are afraid their pets will be harmed or abandoned.

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You are not irrational for caring about them.

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What can help:

• Some domestic violence shelters now allow pets

• Others coordinate foster care or temporary placement

• Emergency grants may help with boarding or veterinary costs

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Resources:

Safe Havens Mapping Project
Directory of pet-friendly domestic violence programs and foster options

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RedRover
Emergency financial assistance for pets

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Purple Leash Project
Pet-inclusive domestic violence shelter support

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If it is safe:

• Gather vaccination records and medications

• Pack a small bag with food, leash, or carrier

• Save microchip or vet information

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If you cannot safely prepare these things, ask an advocate for help.

Safety Planning

You do not need to figure everything out at once. Safety planning is simply thinking through ways to increase safety one step at a time.

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Helpful resources:

Create a Personal Safety Plan

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Tech Safety Planning (NNEDV)

If You Are Supporting Someone You Love

People often stay because they are trying to survive something complicated, not because they do not understand it.

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• Believe them

• Do not pressure them to leave on your timeline

• Avoid confronting the abusive person directly

• Offer concrete help instead of broad statements

• Protect their privacy and safety

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Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is:
“I believe you. I will help you think this through.”